i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
