Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
