she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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