I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
this is an emotional support booty call
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
