Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
