I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
