It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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