woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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