Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
