When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
