It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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