Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
