I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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