Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
