So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize