I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
