Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
