Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
