My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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