took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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