I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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