Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
