You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
