So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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