I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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