So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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