Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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