im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
