im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
