You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
