I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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