I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
