Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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