no, he came in my armpit
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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