i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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