Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
