I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
