He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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