You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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