my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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