Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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