dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
