I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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