Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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