I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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