never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
