People in love make me want to vomit
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
