there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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