I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
