do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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