my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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