Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
