I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
