disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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