Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My vagina just clenched in fear
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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