Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm both gender and math confused
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
