just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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