So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
