we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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