Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
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