i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
