Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
