Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
