I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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