She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
