She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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