how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
