In America we eat man semen.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
