Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
