Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
