So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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